Chronicles of Heebus
50,000 topless virgins vie for Swaziland’s king. “King Mswati III, sub-Saharan Africa’s last absolute monarch, arrived dressed in a leopard-skin loincloth to watch the Reed Dance ceremony, which he has used since 1999 to pluck new brides from the girls dressed in little more than beaded mini-skirts.”
Sorry for not posting for a couple of days, I know you all miss me.
I thought I would give you all an update on the status of Heebus’ mind, body and soul.
Mind: Luckily I’ve been pretty sane the last couple of years. Not being in school and having a steady job has really been helping me out. Idahizzle did a lot for rebooting my computer upstairs and I’m very thankful to Micah for helping me accomplish that. Also not having a girlfriend probably helps although I’d like to change that at some point.
Body: My body hates me. I have a reconstructed right knee, probably a torn ligament in my right shoulder, ongoing stomach problems (I’m Jewish, go figure) and now bruised ribs. On Monday, I found out the x-rays were negative and on Friday I got my happy meds . They have really been helping me sleep since it hurts to lay on my back and my right side. Also it didn’t help that I went back to the gym following my rib injury, breathing apparently is counterproductive to healing of the ribs. I went ot the stomach doc on wednesday and he set me up for an endoscopy. I hope they find a solution to my ongoing heartburn problem without requiring surgery.
Soul: Last night I went with my friend Natalie to a yoga class. It was really cool and I sweated my ass off after only 5 minutes. At the end I was super relaxed and today I was hardly sore. I look forward to the next class since there were tons of hot heebs at this gym. Yoga should help me rehab my knee as well as reduce my stresses. I’m excited.
So I started to tell Maker in the car on sunday that the reason I wanted to start blogging was because I wanted to share tidbits with people from all the IM conversations I have with girls. There is a real famous conversation I had with a girl, that caused a lot of drama amongst friends, that started this whole thing, but you all aren’t ready for me to recall that flashback. In the mean time, I bring you the latest jdate folly.
It’s pretty self explanatory…
jdategirl: to be honest, i have been engaged to a non-jewish guy and i realize that his priorities are not in line with mine like i thought. he promissed to convert and wont. so that is now about to be over
jdategirl: after almost four yrs
heebus: wait, you are still engaged?
Um yeah… back away, not today, jdate lady.
A train carrying 180,000 crates of beer from South African Breweries derailed on Friday night. On Saturday morning, police were battling up to 200 people from the nearby township trying to make off with crates of beer. Oh how I wish you were here in LA.
So while I was noodling around on the intarweb trying ot pass the time I stumbled across an alternate view of how the universe was created. This is an attempt to get the Kansas School Board to teach this view along with evolution and “intelligent design.”
” In the beginning… He created a mountain, trees, and a midget. “
Tonight I went to an AWESOME Sushi Restaurant with my new friend Nico. There we encountered a level 60 sushi dragon. It was a tough battle but we conquered the fierce dragon and sailed away into the sunset on our Viking Honeydew Cruise Ship.
Then we went to pay homage to our favorite Persian Fashion Designer at his bilboard on Santa Monica Blvd. You can read his blog here.
Update: I made this, it came out pretty good.
Extra Lean Turkey Chili
Serves 4
2 pounds extra lean ground turkey breast
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
6 teaspoons chili powder
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper (add more for hotter chili)
2 teaspoons flour
12 ounces crushed tomato, without paste
1 15 ounce can red kidney beans
12 ounces of water
Brown extra lean ground turkey in a skillet. Drain fat. Add 12 ounces of crushed tomatoes. Add 12 ounces of water. Add garlic powder, paprika, cumin, oregano, chili powder, black pepper and diced onion and mix thoroughly. Cover skillet and simmer for 25 to 30 minutes. Stir every 10 minutes. Uncover skillet, add flour and mix through. Add red kidney beans, mix and let simmer uncovered for 20 minutes.
Nutrient Analysis: (1 serving = 2 cups)
Calories: 397, Protein: 60 g, Carbohydrates: 30 g, Total Sugar: 4 g, Total Fat: 4 g, Saturated Fat: 1 g, Cholesterol: 90 mg, Sodium: 600 mg, Fiber: 11 g, Potassium: 446 mg
Natural selection at its finest. Ladies and Gents, I present to you The Choking Game.
I just love it when a 78 year old lady busts out an antique handgun and shoots her 85 year old ex-”lover” because he is seeing another woman. Apparently she is a Septuagenarian.
